I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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