So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize