3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
