Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
