why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
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Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize