forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Randomize
