Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
