I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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