His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
