You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
