I am spending my child support on dildos
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
