Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
she peed on how many people?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
