i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Randomize
