Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I've blown a few things in my day
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
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I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
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stoners and superglue do NOT mix
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize