Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
