The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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