I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
