So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Did I show you my penis last night?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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