he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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