You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just gargled with NyQuil
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
