I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
