dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I think I have vodka in my lungs
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
