Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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