Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
