so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
