I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
