Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
