I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
