I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize