8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
