i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
