she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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