you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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