Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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