Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
