halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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