i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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