the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
