When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
