She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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