you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
