i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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