So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
