He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
