Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
