Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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