your room smells of hookers.
And success
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
