i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
