I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
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I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
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It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize