You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
two words: eviction party
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
