IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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