Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
