so explain again why im purple
no
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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