It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
