dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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