You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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