omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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