Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize