I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
