cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
