First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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