He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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