i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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