what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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