This girl is more easily done than said...
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
