I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
