The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
