i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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