Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
